what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
