I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
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