After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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