I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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