that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
