he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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