There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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