Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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