I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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