apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
