How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
