either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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