walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i want to swaddle you in tequila
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
