so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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