Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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