His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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