Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
