i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
