just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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