sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize