why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
