Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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