dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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