I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
