Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
