We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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