i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
