So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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