tonight lets celebrate not being married
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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