Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
