oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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