I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
