how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize