but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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