I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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