I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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