So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
