Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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