I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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