I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize