You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
