I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize