I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize