He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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