I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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