The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
