she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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