I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
