There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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