Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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