Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
