So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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