Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize