also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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