cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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