i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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