I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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