I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
