Swine flu. Run for my life!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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