maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
