it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
