you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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