Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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