i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
