just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize