Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
