My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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