I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize