I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
