I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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