New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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