we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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