i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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