Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
