Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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