speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
