Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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