we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize